~Chapter 5~

Three hours later, it was eight o’clock PM. The sun had set, taking its nightly slumber, and the round, full moon had taken its place in the sky. With his fingers gripping the door handle, Casavir steadied himself. He knew once he opened it, he would be in a cell specifically built for him where he would be tortured relentlessly by the presence of Raina’s warm flesh in his hands, breathing in her sweet womanly scent as he danced with her. The thought of it brought heat to his cheeks and roused a desperate yearning in his being, but he knew he would have to subdue those desires. His vows demanded it and he’d never betray them, no matter how beautiful Raina was. Drawing in a single more soothing breath, he opened the door and let her in first, making sure she was safely inside before following her. Even from behind she looked remarkable with her flowing chocolate hair and her crimson dress that hugged her in just the right places. Dear Gods, aid me in my hour of need, he prayed, following her haplessly inside as he let the door close behind them. It would take all the willpower he could muster to resist her and concentrate on his goal of convincing the rest of the nobles to ally themselves with his Order. He was determined to succeed though, for any other outcome was too much to bear.

“Wow. They’ve certainly spared no expense,” Raina said, gesturing around her. Wishing to see what she was referring to, Casavir surveyed the space himself. It didn’t take him long to realize what she meant. In the short foyer where they found themselves, buffet tables were set out with every variety of fine wine, mead, and ale that Tamriel had to offer. There were also platters aplenty of neatly cut cheese, crackers, and shrimp for the guests to nibble on while they chatted about whatever was on the menu for the daily gossip. At least, that was what Casavir expected they’d discuss. It was always that way with nobles. They generally had little time for anything of real importance. Nevertheless, he couldn’t help but be impressed by the decorations on the walls. Hanging on nearly every surface he could find were glimmering tapestries that almost seemed transparent. They looked like sheets of crystal emblazoned by the bright yellow candlelight filling the space. In the middle of the tapestries, he could make out an insignia of the Solitude. In the corner of the room, he also noticed a band of bards playing a lilt-like tune with a lute that had shades of Imperialistic melody intertwined with the rough drum beats of Nordic influence. “Solitude does know how to make a statement,” he replied, pulling off to the side with Raina so the other guests could come in. One woman in particular stuck him in the nose with a long, dark blue feather that poked out of the high net backing thrusting out from the neck of her dress. By the Gods, he thought, scrunching his nose to keep from sneezing after being tickled by it. She looked utterly ridiculous! He couldn’t fathom why anyone would wish to own such nonsense, much less wear it out publicly. That was the whim of nobles, though – a whim he knew all too well, and the woman certainly wasn’t alone in her fashion sense. From what he could see, everyone had varying tastes. Some were as ostentatious as hers with outfits equally as displeasing to the eye while others had a more practical sensibility with garments that seemed much more appropriate. In other words, it was a classic ball complete with all the trimmings.

“Indeed, it does,” Raina said. “Do you want anything to drink? We should get something now before heading out to the floor. Once we do, I suspect it will be difficult for us to return here. This place is filling up rather quickly.”

“True, my Lady,” Casavir said. “But do not fret. I shall not wish to indulge in any of the offerings they have tonight. My vows forbid me to drink anything that could alter my mind or my judgement negatively.” Truth be told, it was more than merely his vows that precluded such an activity. He had never preferred to consume alcohol, for he believed that it was imprudent and he wished to maintain a level head in all situations. To be caught in the chocking grasp of inebriation appalled him and he was content never to let an ounce of alcohol touch his lips for the remainder of his life.

“Ah, well that’s fine,” Raina replied, smiling up at him reassuringly. “I don’t drink either. It’s not because of a vow to an Order or anything like you, though. It’s more of a personal vow, I suppose. I’ve never been a fan of losing myself to vices that could control me. Maybe that makes me silly. I’m not sure.”

Amazed, Casavir quirked his brow up at her. Did she truly just say that? It was as if she was speaking the thoughts in his mind, the feelings in his heart. He couldn’t believe she felt how he did on the matter. It made him think that perhaps he should tell her the real reason why he didn’t drink. It would set her mind at ease. However, Raina was a confident young woman. She needed no such validation of her feelings or her choices. Still, he longed to share that piece of himself with her, if only to feel connected with her in some brief way. “No, my Lady,” he responded, his voice a whisper as he gazed into her crisp blue eyes. “I do not believe you are silly for thinking such. I believe you to be quite brave and strong for making that choice, actually.”

Giving him a light smile, she nodded shyly. “Thank you,” she quietly answered. The hint of fragility in her expression melted Casavir’s heart even more, touching him to his core. She was confident and yet tender at the same time. It was a rare combination he didn’t expect, made rarer when combined with the grace she also possessed. He couldn’t believe he was in the presence of such a fascinating woman. Before he could say more to her, she’d grabbed his hand again and was leading him out onto the ballroom floor. He didn’t mind, though. He’d follow her to Oblivion itself if that was what was required. Then again, for him, the ballroom floor might as well have been such a place, for it would torture him just the same – or perhaps worse.

“It’s so gorgeous in here,” Raina exclaimed, her eyes bedazzled by the glittering lights coming from the ceiling. Unbeknownst to her, however, Casavir was oblivious to their source or their presence. The only light to him in that moment was her. She dazzled him so much, he was entranced by her, but he knew he had to cease this absurd behavior. It would only serve to heighten his lustful thoughts, and that was dangerous for him, to say the least. “Yes my Lady, I agree,” he said, snapping his eyes away from her. Gorgeous indeed, he thought, rubbing the back of his neck in frustration with his free hand.

“I believe I see Queen Elisif,” Raina said, pointing up to the dais on the far side of the room. Tracing her finger again, Casavir saw her sitting in a high mahogany chair with satin purple cushions that glittered along with everything else in the room. She had a welcoming expression with her fair brown eyes, smiling politely at the few who had made their way to greet her. He was pleased to see such a kind queen and he had heard many positive stories of her disposition from those in his Order who’d had dealings with her. She was apparently a bright woman who’d learned much from her husband who had passed away and caused her to become the reigning monarch there. Her intellectual brightness was only matched by the brightness in the room, and his curiosity was finally piqued sufficiently to entice him to search for its source. Moving his eyes about the room, he knew the candelabras made of goat horns and the candles on the end tables could not possibly produce the type of angelic, almost supernatural light penetrating the space. He then looked up, more determined than before to find the source of it. The second he did, his search was over, and a whole new fascination occupied him in its place. Hanging on a strong set of gold chains was a large glass orb a few feet above him. As if radiating from within its core, rays of white lights cast diamond shaped silhouettes all across the dome from where it hung. The cluster of them looked like an array of stars against a night sky, and Casavir’s jaw dropped as he took them all in. We certainly don’t have anything like this where I come from, he thought. It was a tragedy, too. He could only imagine how his fellow countrymen would react upon seeing such a wander.

“It’s said to be a gift the Jarl gave the first king of Solitude when he married his daughter,” Raina said, her voice sounding miles away.

Looking down at her, his brow bowed in intrigue. “I beg your pardon?”

“The crystal,” she said, pointing up at it. “The legends say it was a gift. The Crystal Ball was first organized to celebrate the Jarl’s wedding with the king’s daughter, and the ball was named after the crystal you see.”

“Oh,” he replied, smiling sheepishly at his lack of awareness. “How very appropriate. However did the Jarl obtain such a marvel?”

At that, Raina tilted her head as she wrapped her hands around his upper arm and joined him as he returned his eyes to the crystal. “The legends aren’t as clear about that, unfortunately, but they all seem to agree that he discovered it upon fighting a warlock in a cave in the far mountains of the Reach. The warlock was using it for some bid to defeat the Bretons who had settled in High Rock. Being partly of Breton blood himself, the Jarl set out to slay the warlock, and once he was vanquished by him and his soldiers, he took the crystal to ensure that it could never be used for evil purposes again. When the Jarl took ownership of it, the crystal reacted, apparently sensing the good intentions he had for it. Instead of burning with dark energy, it became what you see now, and it has glowed ever since.”

“Hmm, I see,” Casavir replied, imprinting the crystal in his mind.

“Indeed,” Raina said. “Nowadays, parents in Skyrim tell the story to their children to remind them to behave and that things can seem ugly or bad on the surface, but in reality, they can be beautiful and good in the hands of the right person.”

Chuckling a bit under his breath, Casavir was charmed by the interpretation. He could certainly understand what the parents meant and he agreed, but it was still unexpected. It forced him to look upon it with a renewed spirit. He too knew what it was like when people assumed the worst, despite how wrong and inaccurate those assumptions were. Like the crystal, he had been manipulated and forced to be something other than what he was. Along with his disciplined Paladin training, the consequences from the event had caused him to have a prickliness that had proven off-putting to some who’d approached him. “I suppose it’s akin to not judging a book by its cover then,” he said.

“Yes. Something like that,” Raina replied, seemingly pleased that he understood its meaning. The sparkle reigniting in her eyes made the crystal pale in comparison, and Casavir instantly returned his attentions to her, glad to have such an intellectual woman who appreciated true culture by his side. Not only that, she also seemed to be a gentle woman who was fair and understanding. Of course, that could’ve been jumping the bow a bit. She had merely reported on how the crystal was perceived by the public at large. She’d made no mention of her personal feelings on the matter, but he hoped that his instincts about her were correct. It would be a welcome change to feel comfortable enough to share the secrets of his past that he’d kept locked away for so long with someone. He wanted her to be that someone, but that, however, was for another day, and now that they were traveling together permanently, he knew he’d have much time to do precisely that should he ever decide to.

“Fantastic,” Raina said. “The Queen’s getting up. I think she’s about to speak,” she continued, squeezing his arm in anticipation. His muscles tensed with pleasure, and the corners of his lips formed deep dimples as he smiled down at her. He was so enraptured by her, he barely noticed the nobles flocking around them in order to pay heed to the Queen’s words.

“Ladies and gentlemen,” Elisif began, standing on the edge of the dais as she kept her chin level with it. “Allow me to welcome you to another Grand Crystal Ball. I am delighted to have you all here with us yet again. It doesn’t seem like a year has gone by since our last gathering, but alas, time does fly by on the backs of ravens’ wings these days, doesn’t it?”

The nobles clapped in unison, laughing cordially in agreement.

“Nevertheless, it has brought us swiftly back together, and for that, we must all be grateful, especially with the trying times that are darkening our spirits. It makes events such as these even more special and important. Our unity has rarely ever been so brutally challenged, and we must stand firmly together to meet the dividing forces that threaten us.”

Dividing forces that threaten us, Casavir thought, clapping along with the other guests. Oh how he did appreciate her political correctness! It was quite obvious of whom she was referring, and yet she made no specific mention of the Stormcloaks. The politician in her was on full display, and from the eruption of applause coming from the nobles, he felt he was in good company. Most of them seemed to be pro-Legion and thus, pro-Empire. Perhaps my Order’s assistance in their lands will be more warmly received than we expected.

“But my honored and esteemed guests, tonight, we leave our troubles at the door. Tonight, we recognize our unity, our purpose, and most crucially, our survival. We are a nation at war on many fronts, but we must never forget that we are also a nation of mirth and rich history that much not only be defended, but celebrated. On that note, I invite you to partake in all the merriment you can stand. Drink heartily, eat robustly, and most of all, dance passionately. Let the festivities commence!”

At that, everyone clapped again, this time following it up by turning to their partners and grabbing them around the shoulders. Upon seeing them, a lump bubbled up within Casavir’s throat and a knot tightened in the pit of his stomach. As if on cue, he felt Raina’s soft hands glide over him. One stopped atop his shoulder, the other gripped his waist. My Gods, he thought, gulping hard. It was time. He knew the moment he turned his head, he’d be met instantly by the sight of those ravishing eyes, that dress that teased him with the cut that revealed only the outline of the jewels that lie just beneath, and the smile that could make even the staunchest man weak in the knees. But he knew he had to. He knew she would expect him to. And he knew he wanted this woman more than life itself. Steadying himself, he lowered his right hand onto her waist, feeling the curve of her bones nestle between his formidable fingers. He then lifted his left hand onto her shoulder, pressing into her collarbone ever so slightly with his thumb. The feel of her bare skin sent shockwaves through his body, and before he knew it, he was gazing into her face again. Entranced by her magnificence and those eyes that were sapphire-tinted windows into her soul, his instincts took over immediately. He placed one foot out, followed by the next, until the pair of them found themselves twirling about the dance floor like a couple who had been dancing together their entire lives. He nearly forgot about her admission that she was a poor dancer with how wonderfully she moved. Her technique was as masterful as any expert’s, and his breaths quickened as their pace increased along with the speed of the music.

“Wow, I’m doing better than I thought I would,” Raina said, smiling so joyfully, it was as if the gates to Sovngarde had opened before him. He had never known such pure joy than he felt in this moment. “It must be your influence,” she persisted, giggling in a tone that made his heart flutter.

“Nay, my Lady. I must protest. It is your natural talent shining through that is to be credited,” he replied, managing to summon his voice in his throat, albeit only just.

“You’re too kind, Casavir,” she replied. “I’m lucky you’re with me. I would be bumbling all over this floor if not for you.”

Blushing, he shook his head. “I sincerely doubt that, Raina.”

“Raina?” she asked, raising a brow happily. “Wow. You called me by my name. You’ve only ever done that once.”

“True,” he said, smiling to himself. He was enjoying being with her so much, he’d forgotten all about his normal protocol. It simply didn’t seem to matter. Dancing with her and having her in his arms was like second nature to him. It felt right, and as the music increasingly joined with their steps, it caused them to have an even more perfect union of movement with each other. At each octave in the song, he extended his arm, holding her out for a brief second before heaving her gently back into his chest. It felt so harmonious and rhythmic, and when the song reached its apex, she slid her hand up his side, stopping mercilessly at his stomach. Despite wearing his plate armor, every fiber of his imagination sprang to life as he fantasized about how her touch would feel on that erogenous part of his body. His heart thudded like the drums the bards were beating and a bead of perspiration bubbled up just above his brow. She could so easily be yours, he thought to himself, gazing into her blessed eyes. Instantly, his mouth salivated and his groin tightened, and on the final note of the song, he dipped her, holding the small of her back with one hand and cradling the back of her head with the other. He then tilted his nose, bringing it an inch away from her neck, and his nostrils instinctively breathed in her intoxicating scent. She smelled of gardenias and honey – a combination that left him reeling inside. She looked up at him with mesmerizing eyes, as if she knew what he was thinking. Still, she made no move to resist or escape him. She seemed to want him as much as he wanted her, and that stirred the yearning for her inside of him that much more. Take her, he thought. Tearing his eyes away from hers, he stared at her lips. Oh how lovely they looked, how luscious, how totally and utterly inviting. He could stand her temptations no longer. Holding her steadily against him, he lowered his mouth to descend on hers, feeling her warm breath slip from between her lips and graze his jaw. She’s yours, he thought frantically. All yours. Claim her now. Just as his lips reached within a fingernail-width away from hers, though, something tugged at him inside. Stop this, Casavir, it screamed at him. Remember your vows. Its penetrating pleas were almost deafening, thundering through him more than the bards’ music ever could. Suddenly, the gripping fog that had ensnared his mind began to lift and his body felt like ice. My Gods, he thought, panting in disgust. It was all he could do to remember to hold onto Raina and bring her back to her feet. I cannot believe what I almost did, he thought, holding his forehead. He wanted to curse himself for nearly losing control. It was quite unbecoming of a Paladin, and he wanted to flog himself right then and there for it.

“Casavir, are you okay?” Raina’s tender voice asked him as she laid her hand on his shoulder.

Swallowing hard, he exhaled in exhaustion. “I’m fine, my Lady,” he said, keeping his eyes away from her. He could only imagine the look on her face in this moment, and he didn’t want to concern her any more than he already had. He was quite certain his own appearance was too ghastly for words.

“You don’t seem like it,” she said. “Please, talk to me. It’s all right.”

No it’s not, he thought to himself. None of this was acceptable. He could never allow this to happen again. Turning away from her, he inhaled deeply and looked ahead at the door to the courtyard. It seemed to beckon at him, and now more than ever, he needed some time to himself. “My Lady,” he mumbled. “I need to leave. I will rejoin you later.” He then picked up his feet and pressed towards the door. He despised himself for leaving her in this way, but he prayed she would understand. There was no way he could stay, no way he could remain in her presence, at least for the time being. When he was nearly at the door, his hand reached out to grip the handle, and as his fingers curled around its golden surface, a tinge of guilt crept up within him. Pausing, he stopped and slowly looked back at Raina over his shoulder. She stood there in the middle of the ballroom floor, watching him with such sadness and worry, it made his heart freeze. I am so sorry, my Lady, he thought ruefully. Please forgive me.