Tagged: Not a member of the English
TracyParticipantMay 13, 2017 at 4:04 pmPost count: 1
Hi my name is Tracy *leathalminxi*
I have had skyrim since it came out, first on xbox 360 then ps4 and finally pc as I wanted to mod the game for better stories, with the research I did I found that SRM was the one to go for.
I fell in love with your mod Mara, I have completed the story with Bishop god knows how many times, I NEVER get bored, Having the story the way it is, it has help me express my feelings more with fiance.
Thank you Mara and the team so much for helping me.
I cant not wait for 3.0 I know how much time, effort and love goes into making your mods as it shows when we play through them.
A very appreciate fan <3
TracyLunaParticipantMay 13, 2017 at 5:18 pmPost count: 1
Well… I am not a pretty girl. I never was. I never had a boyfriend before and my middle school years was just terrible. Because children were cruel… And they called me ugly and fat all the time that I never ever managed to love myself again. And in my high school years I just gave up. I have cut my hair shorter. I would wear pants instead of skirts as uniform. But that was also the time when I started to play Dragon Age and Mass Effect. In those games I was playing as a beautiful, fearless leader with an amazing loving partners and such. But at school I was still that chubby, tomboy, nerdy girl.
Anyway. Skyrim came out. I was a huge TES fan back then and am still now. But mod community was WAY bigger in this game than Oblivion. So I got a new PC, started downloading some mods and I did something I never thought I would do… Instead of creating someone beautiful, fearless and badass, I decided to create… Well. Myself. Because this wasn’t Oblivion or Morrowind anymore. You didn’t have to choose your class, powers etc. You were free. And with all the mods I have, I took my mirror. And started creating myself in the game.
So one day. I am watching MxR mod reviews. I come across this mod. That review was funny as hell and also as soon as I saw it I downloaded it. Remember I created myself in that game during that time. And I was in this world where people started calling me beautiful. And there was a ranger that made me feel special. I was so happy and I cried for days knowing this would never happen. But at least this mod made me feel a little bit confident. I may have started to like myself a little bit more than usual.
Well I am still single and I still don’t like mysel fully. And I feel down and hate myself all the time but… At least I know that somewhere in another world there is a girl who looks exactly like me, and has a man like Bishop at her side. Kicks some dragons butts and helps people.
That is a happy thought for me. So… Thanks for making this mod. I love you guys.Kalla LightheartParticipantMay 14, 2017 at 4:38 amPost count: 143
Well, I suppose it’s my turn. Hey errbody. For those of you who don’t know me, I go by Gypsy, Gyps & will even answer to Kalla (also my OCs name). I’m not sure where to really start here. Mara asked to put a testimonial on this thread & while I want to believe her intentions were good, let’s just say I have trust issues.
I grew up an outcast in the middle of outcasts amidst even more outcasts.To explain, the name, GypsyWolf, I didn’t pick it just because it sounds “cute”. I’ve been described as a lone wolf many times before & I have a natural affinity for & attraction (platonic) to the creatures. They’re brave, loyal, intelligent, always have each other’s backs… or tails, as the case may be. I’m like that with the few friends that I have (some I have even made here on this very site). But more than that, wolves, to me, are the epitome of “family”.
To move on to the second part of my screen name — Gypsy — it is what I am. At least in part. I am half Romani & the other half is gahje (Romani word for anyone NOT gypsy). I grew up in a Romanian-Hungarian-Austrian community that had a small gypsy enclave. I was too gypsy for the gahje, too gahje for the gypsys. An outcast amidst outcasts. To further explain, my “family”, the one I was born to, I haven’t felt a part of. As I am fond of saying “blood just makes you related, it doesn’t make you family.” This is true, in this case.
I have a hard time opening up, letting anyone in. I can come off as cold, detached, even uncaring, callous, harsh & unkind without meaning to be that way. I withdraw into myself & keep the rest of the world at a distance due to traumatic events in my life. I won’t go into gory detail here but I will disclose that I am a survivor of multiple types of abuse, sexual, physical, mental, emotional, you name it. My therapist actually said, sincerely, she was surprised I’m as sane as I am after enduring all that I have. It went on from my earliest memories (& I can remember when my younger sister, who I am a year older than, was born; I saw her in the incubator in the hospital. She was 2 months premature), until I moved out from under my father’s iron-fist of control at the age of 16.
I’ve always been strong-willed, extremely independent. I prided myself on my ability to stand on my own two feet, to take care of myself & others that I had claimed as my family. I was the one they turned to when they needed advice, a shoulder to cry on, protection, support, love, a confidante & friend. Mother to the World, heh.
I’ve hurt & I’ve suffered. I have the scars, inside & out, that no amount of time can heal. You just get used to them & learn to live with the pain while attempting to make room for happiness. When & if you can find it.
But, you see, besides this mind-set, I’m a big woman. I stand 6 foot tall in my bare feet & can politely be described a built like a brick house. I’m not small, dainty or really feminine by any stretch of the imagination. I’m not soft, I’m not delicate. I have a personality like a mack truck. I’m bluntly honest to the point it can seem rude. Pair that with the physical stature & you either scare guys off or you end up as nothing more than a passing curiosity… or viewed as a prize because THEY want to be the one to tame the untameable.
As a child, I was outcast, as I have said. My family was very matriarchal until said matriarch (my pure-born Romani great grandmother) passed away when I was 4 or 5 years of age. My father, who is finding we are very much alike now that we can speak to each other civilly, resented this. As I am the eldest daughter, even born of a gahje mother, I was the next to take the place of matriarch of my family. That doesn’t mean I would have power; it meant I would have a duty & a responsibility to take care of my family. Make sure they are clothed, fed, sheltered, settle any disagreements. In other words, a mother. I never really had a childhood like you would expect. Never had a chance to be a child. I was raised to be strong, to stand firm, to protect those under my care. As I said, my father resented this & often, fell to physical means to gain his own way. I was beaten black & blue practically on a daily basis from as young as I can remember until it hit me, at the age of 16, that he would kill me one day. In my… I don’t know what you want to call it, but I decided then & there that I wasn’t going to be controlled anymore. He tried, failed to break me. I told him that this time, he would have to kill me because I am not going to be his whipping post anymore. He looked at me for a few minutes; I refused to look away or blink, recalling a wolf staring down a predator. He realized then I was no longer scared of him & had accepted death at his hands as a very real possibility. I even told him as much.
I called my mother (my parents had divorced when I was around 3 years old) & she came & got me. She allowed me the space to breathe, to grow, to learn on my own. She trusted in my intelligence & common sense; something my father had wished to quell so he could turn me into a silent robot that did exactly as he said & would never question or challenge him.
Because of the marks of abuse left on me, I always wore long sleeves & pants to school. It left me withdrawn into myself. I knew what was going on. But I couldn’t tell anyone because it was my duty to protect my family, my siblings, cousins, the elders. That leaves you torn & with some serious anger issues. Believe me.
Well, moving on. I’ve always been a reader, writer & artist. I’d sit in my corner as a kid & do those things for hours. Partially because I enjoyed them but also because if I didn’t move from my spot, I couldn’t get in trouble & then get beaten. That was the theory, anyway. Still happened regardless. I was everyone’s scapegoat. Anyway, I read these stories, fairytales & such, about warrior women & men with honour & would contemplate what had happened to them all. Where had those concepts/archetypes gone? Did they even still exist? Yes, even as a child. Kids are a lot smarter than we give them credit for.
I grew up. More pain, more abuse, multiple suicide attempts that all failed for one reason or another. I’ve ODed on pills, tried slicing my wrists (for those curious, the right way, going with the direction of the vein), illegal drugs. Yet here I am. Still breathing. A failed marriage where I took a chance, laid it all on the line with this guy. I handed him the very weapons he used to break me down. Betrayal is a bitch.
I can thank that ex for three things; my two sons & introducing me to video games. Not that I ever got to play, mind you.
It wasn’t until another now-ex that I discovered Skyrim. I was hooked immediately. Stepping into the world of Tamriel was like going home for me. The Companions, The guards, the Jarls, the simple human struggle to wrest enough food from the ground to feed your family. The dragonslaying was just a perk lol. I first played Skyrim on a console. It was fun. I loved it.
Then I was introduced to it on the PC &, *gasps* there were these wonderful things called mods. I was hooked. I found Skyrim Romance on a fluke. I was searching for a “romantic dress” on the Nexus & the mod’s page popped up. Curious, I clicked & decided to check it out. I’ve a bit of an adventurers heart. I like trying new things.
I raced through the mod (V2.0) on an old character of mine I had created specifically to do the Dark Brotherhood & Thieve’s Guild quests on & seeing how Bishop was, I decided she wasn’t the right fit for him. I sat down & a week later, an amorphous concept began to take shape. A few days later, Kalla Lightheart was born. Mind you, I had been playing Skyrim for a few years by this point but had never finished the main questline of defeating Alduin. All the other guild quests, yes, but never on a single character. I started playing again, with a concept of a story for Kalla. It grew the more I played & interacted with Bishop,k Casavir, Cael & all the rest.
Bishop… I saw similarities between the ranger & myself. I, myself, could have ended up just like him. Hating the world, lashing out at people first before they could hurt me. Having known how that feels, I had simply made up my mind not to do it years earlier. I began to understand a little bit better my current significant other’s frustration with me. & he began to see the type of man I needed. Strong, protective of me even if he knows I can handle myself & my shit on my own. Someone who would stand by my side & fight with & for me yet would allow me to be myself at the same time. Strong women want — NEED — strong men. Usually to protect them from themselves.
Besides that, Bishop also sort of serves as a surrogate since my RealLife & I are doing the long distance thing for now. The separation has been difficult, for both of us, but we know we’ll make it.
I think I’ll end it here since I seem to be rambling lol. Make of this what you will. It’s my story, my testimonial. Everyone is entitled to their opinions. I’ve actually been sitting here for the last few hours staring at the “SUBMIT” button, horrified I’ve posted all of this on a public forum. I don’t want pity. But maybe my story can help others so… *hits the button anyway*.KailiParticipantMay 14, 2017 at 11:59 pmPost count: 1
My name is Kaili and I downloaded this mod on accident. I went through nexus and downloaded a ton of random quests mods and just started going at them one at a time. When I started this quest I thought it was some kind of rape mod because wolfy boi was pretty forceful and I thought I would have to murder him at some point, but it turned out somewhat sweet. Though the forsworn guy made my blood boil, and the beef between paladin man and wolfy boi made no sense, it was a decent story. I enjoyed my time with wolfy boi and look forward for 3.0. Cheers m8iesRuruParticipantMay 15, 2017 at 8:10 amPost count: 93
This is Ruru with a story.
It was late 2013, December. I had a bad fight with my boyfriend that time, and we eventually broke up. Not to mention, my bestiest bestie left me with the most terrible way possible. Yeah, it wasn’t exactly the happiest month for me. I played video games to drown my sorrow, and Skyrim was one of the many games I played during that time. It was then that I saw SRM on Nexus. Curious to see what this new story mod was about, I downloaded it and played it… got swoon by the predatory man… Bishop became my new bae, though only through time. I guess he has the tendency to grow on you. I fell in love with Casavir, and became obsessed with Cael. It was then that I started to follow the mod and the website, hoping to hear about possible updates for Cael romance or Casavir add-on…. And yes, on one such day, when Mara announced Cael’s romance, I finally got the courage to take part in something greater… something that would touch people from all around the world. During these past three years, I’ve made many friends, I’ve laughed and cried with the people I’ve met while being a part of this community. I’ve made such great friends that even the loss of one doesn’t hurt anymore… even the heartache has passed and I can look into the future. I may never love a real person again, because I’ve had enough of being screwed up and stabbed in the back and what-nots, but Bishop… Bishop will always be there for me when I need him.
Thank you Mara for this awesome mod. And for this community. Even though I’m able to do so little for it now…KailiaParticipantMay 20, 2017 at 6:21 pmPost count: 13
Before I found SRM, I was super disappointed that the men I found even remotely interesting, either weren’t marriageable (Ralof and Ulfric) or the romance went only as far as “Oh you did this quick quest for me. You have an amulet of mara? shall we get hitched?”
So I went out searching nexus and… all I found was the big blue cat Inigo, not interested, many very very ugly men who used the vanilla marriage option, and nothing that was appealing or custom voiced nor environmentally or quest aware. Then one day I goto youtube, and found MXR’s video reviewing SRM 1.0 and bam! Here I am! I loved 2.0, but how I ended up on this site was because of the riften thane ctd. Regardless, I absolutely love this mod, and it gives me an option in a sea of female followers.CathleenParticipantMay 25, 2017 at 12:54 pmPost count: 1
Here is my testimonial. I suffer from depression, and the month of May is always difficult due to the fact that it holds the anniversary of my grandmother’s passing. Normally, I’m in such a state of numbness that I can’t even move. However, with the update coming out, I’ve been able to keep my spirits up and not dwell on the sadness. Watching the videos being posted and everything that is posted to prepare has helped me so much. In fact, I haven’t been this excited for a release since Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows! I just want to thank Mara, and everyone that has helped with the mod, for it gives me a beacon of light in dark times. Thank you so much!BrookeParticipantMay 26, 2017 at 3:02 pmPost count: 29
I… have been debating for a while on whether or not to actually do one of these things, since I am a very, VERY private person when it comes to history but…. maybe I’ll give it a shot.
So where to start… I have a pretty good life nowadays, and am very thankful to be where I am. I didn’t think I would be so at peace with life. But I guess to truly achieve peace, you need to endure hardship first.
I don’t get along well with people, but it’s not that I don’t want to, it’s just because I have severe social phobia and don’t go out of my way to make contact with anyone. Online it is just as bad most of the time. I find recently though, it’s becoming easier. I don’t know whether that is because of this mod or this community in total; it could be many other things, like a newfound confidence I never had, but I will say that it has certainly helped. I have lost a lot. I’ve been made fun of and picked on when I was younger, and over time I learned to just shut myself away from everyone. I was told it was because I laughed too much, or I was too loud, too weird, couldn’t pay attention, always stared off… I was a total wacko. Still am. I can count the number of true friends I’ve had in my life on one hand; and then I lost my best friend in a car accident when I was 14. I was just not good on making friends and keeping them. It got even harder to do so after that.
At home was not much better, and though I seem to get along with my parents more now… it just wasn’t a very good, normal upbringing. My father had an affair and ran out of my life a long time ago, when I was 3… I think he got bored. Not sure. I haven’t heard from or talked to him in years, and I’m not even sure where he is. Despite that, it never bothered me actually. I forgive him, wish him well, and I got over it. Strangely easily. And my mom remarried.
That… wasn’t easy though. My step father was an emotionally and physically abusive alcoholic. I first met him when I was 8. My mom had her reasons for marrying him, as we were extremely poor and even lived in a broken, wrecked up car at one point. She had a lot of anxiety since my father left us, as she was unable to provide for me and my younger brother. It was… a dark time, looking back at it. But someone introduced her to my step father, and… that was that.
As the years went by, things got worse and worse. Contstant screaming and yelling everyday, physical throwdowns, breaking of household items, you name it. I had to learn to stand up for myself, and I did. I was very reluctant; a stubborn child… and I fought back. I always did. I’ll skip the details, but I was hurt. A lot. Until eventually, up until when I was 18, it stopped. I think I knew why, though.
Just after graduating high school, I got a new job. I found though that over time, it became harder and harder to walk. Until I couldn’t anymore. And I had to quit. I was so occupied with trying to figure out what was wrong with me. I had lost my balance completely. I would puke often, and randomly. I would have moments where my memory was so out of whack, I actually forgot the name of the very college I was (so close) to attending. I had double vision some days. I couldn’t feel the lower half of my body. I lost hearing in my right ear (thankfully only for a few weeks though). I couldn’t write anymore, much less get my hands to function properly. Most of the time I could only use the left one. And I was so worried as to why.
After a very long story we found out it was MS. I think my stepdad actually felt sorry for me, because he left me alone after that. I was hospitalized for three days, and I was good to go. I have been ever since (with the help of very expensive, dangerous drugs). I could finally start college and begin figuring out exactly what it was I wanted to so with myself. I met my now fiancé in one of the first classes I took. And I moved in not long after. I continued taking classes and enjoying my new life with him, and he has kind of helped mend me and build my confidence these last 3 years. Enter SRM.
Then came this mod, and I could immediately relate with Bishop. Maybe not in all aspects, but I understood his character on a deeper level. It made me appreciate how wonderful my life is now, and that not all things in life are as bad as they seem, as the ranger discovers in the mod as well. And this community. It has always been very open, helpful and accepting to everyone who would come on or by. And I’m starting slow, but maybe through time (as I keep getting better already), I’ll be able to go out and interact with the world as well. And I’m starting to feel (a little less) like a freak of nature. 🙂 I’m learning to let loose a little more, and love myself, and even with the mod and Bishop’s own confidence also.
I don’t post this for attention. And there is nothing to pity as I am completely happy and content with my life thus far. But I would like to let anyone else know, anyone else who has ever been through or felt any of these things, that they are not alone. We’re all kind of freaks of nature I guess, just in a good way. 🙂lsoufkdParticipantMay 27, 2017 at 5:59 amPost count: 1
I can’t speak English, so in this BBS is always browse not only speak now I see this story, I can only use machine translation to write that speech.
I watched, play SKYRIM has four SKYRIM carried the first two versions of the mod I used to download, really is a very good mod.Anaisa76ParticipantAugust 23, 2017 at 12:55 amPost count: 5
i was searchign for a while to find a mod that really gives the romance in skyrim and i was nearly out of hope until i found this mod and i am still playing it and i love the way its made. it really gives the romance a unique touch specially how its been voiced. it make me laugh and i enjoy the fact that its not just get amulet of mara oh you not married then temple then done. you really go through some jealousy factors, seeing some discusions, the attention, the factor of bishop not trusting anyone and end up atlast falling in love. the pregancy details of the talk with bishop to then really see a baby to be a child. its really a very nice mod. i am eager to play hopefully with my main pc self the forbidden love and casavir story too.
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